Written last week.
I learned today that it's harder to forgive a person for hurting someone you care deeply about than to forgive a person who has hurt you personally. Last night on the way to dinner I walked by Kevin's spot. There was another man next to his place so I asked him to let Kevin know I'd dropped by and said hello. As I was standing there Sam comes around the corner with a large piece of wood. I asked him what he planned to do with that and he said "There's about to be trouble around here." He went on to tell me that he planned to sleep there tonight as it was a cold, rainy night. I told him there is a man named Kevin who usually sleeps there but he knew that already. He planned to fight Kevin for the spot. He told me to go on because he didn't want me to get involved. I was concerned but also knew I wouldn't be of any help just standing there. As I was walking off, Kevin returned very upset at the appearance of the situation. He saw Sam standing there with the plank next to me. Not knowing that Sam is also a friend of mine, Kevin feared that Sam was trying to hurt me. I tried to assure Kevin that Sam wouldn't hurt me but at the same time Sam and Kevin get in a fight over the sleeping spot. Everything in me didn't want to call the police for fear that I would loose their trust and that it wouldn't help the situation but when Sam started beating Kevin in the face with the wood, I had to. I was a bundle of emotions yet somehow fear wasn't one of them. I knew that both of these guys may be angry with each other, but they were defending me from the other also. I wasn't in danger but I was hurt and upset. I've never seen a fight in real life before. Not in the school yard or a bar but I imagine this was still worse because I care deeply for both involved. I couldn't stand to watch Kevin being hurt. I felt defenseless. I returned later that night to make sure everyone was ok. Kevin said that he was ok and that he hadn't hurt Sam. Kevin was scratched up and had a knot on his head but it looked like he'd be fine. He didn't want me to bring him any medicine, just TLC he said. So I sat and we talked like nothing had happened, trying to forget that it had. Today as I uploaded pictures from my party in the park it was hard to see the pictures of Sam. I know I have to forgive him. I know he needs to experience unconditional love but I am angry. I'm angry that he wouldn't listen to my alternative solutions for sleeping arrangements, I'm angry that he started the fight and I'm angry that he hurt my friend. And I'm disappointed in him for thinking that hurting someone would be the answer. I know the streets are rough. And Sam tried to explain to me that he couldn't be known as weak that's why he felt he had to fight and win. It just hurt.
